SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
