The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
