Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
