I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
