5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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