Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
