Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
