this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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