There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
