no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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