Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
