I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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