I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
