Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
