ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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