: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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