I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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