I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
