i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
