I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I looked at my own cervix.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
