So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
