Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
