We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Houston, we have a squirter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
