It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
