i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
