We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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