dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
