I want to have your abortion
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
