I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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