He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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