just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
