Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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