ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
