i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
