Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
