i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He passed out mid-signature
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
