2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
