Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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