I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
