When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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