if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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