so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
