my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
do nipples grow back?
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