I wish i was in the wii world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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