wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
