Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
