I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
