He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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