The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
