im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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