the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
