I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
