Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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