that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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