Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
