I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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