You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
