i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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