Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
