Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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