I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
