my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
