They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
