I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
