Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
